Parent need to Stop doing it all.
Parents have an extremely difficult job. You want to help your child with their school work, but you also want your child to learn to do things for themselves. Parents need to find a balance and the easiest way to do that is to become a coach. You see a coach is someone how motivates and guides a student. Not do it all for them.
Richard Lavoie, a gifted speaker and consultant on Learning Disabilities, describes a 4 step sequential process that parents can use to teach any skill.
I first heard about the steps at a Learning Disabilities Conference, but you can also read about it in his book The Motivation Breakthrough: 6 steps to Turning on the Tuned-Out Child
The 4 steps are:
- Do it for him
- Do it with him
- Watch him do it
- Have him do it
I will show you how to use the strategy with two common frustrations for all parents – the school bag and researching an assignment.
Example 1: Teaching 8 year old daughter to pack school bag.
Each step will take a week
Step 1: Pack bag for her
Every morning (or evening) your daughter needs to watch you pack her bag. She needs to be in the room watching you. You need to discuss what should go in the bag, and the order in which you place the equipment. You could also write out a checklist of what needs to go in the bag. This is especially important if different equipment needs to be packed on different days. For example, the library bag goes in on Tuesday, but the swimmers are packed on Friday.
Step 2: Pack the bag with her.
On the first day I would prompt your daughter to read the checklist while you pack the bag. The next day she could pack one or two items, and you pack the rest. Every day you must praise your daughter for remembering the items, as well as reinforcing what needs to be packed.
Step 3: Watch your daughter pack the bag.
Watch your daughter pack her bag. Remember to offer praise and encouragement. Beware of your cunning daughter. This is the stage when she may say she is “tired”, or “too busy” or “Can’t you just do it”. Don’t give in. It is her job. It is also during this step you must break this habit yourself. Packing the school bag is your daughter’s job now, not yours.
Step 4: Have her do it.
Hurray! Your daughter now knows how to pack her bag. Explain to her it is now her responsibility to pack it every day.
Good luck.
Sure, she now knows how to pack her bag but that doesn’t mean she will pack it every day. You need to be strong and reinforce her habits by offering praise and suggestions.
If you start doing this job for her again then you are showing her that she doesn’t have to take responsibility and that you are easily conned into doing stuff for her.
I would also recommend that you read my article on Base Camps. It gives you more tips on how to help with organisation.
Example 2: 14 Year old boy needs help researching an Ancient History assignment
Your son has an assignment on Ancient Egypt and is having trouble researching and taking notes. Sit down and read the criteria sheet with him.
Step 1: Do it for him
Find an internet article or a page from a text book. Read the passage aloud and show him how you would take notes. Discuss why you chose the points, and how you write them in your own words
Step 2: Do it with him
Let your son choose another article or page. Together read the passage and decide the important points. You write down the notes for him
Step 3: Watch him do it
Let your son choose another topic. Ask him to read the passage silently and write notes. Watch him do the task and check the notes when completed. Offer praise and suggestions.
Step 4: Let him do it himself
It is now time to walk away and let him complete the task himself.
You will notice in this example that you are not doing the assignment, just teaching your son a skill. Next time he has a research assignment and is having trouble with notes, you could offer to help. However, I would start at Step 2.
If you want more examples on how to help your son or daughter with their school work or study skills then check out my 30 Day Study System.
